The senior's alphabet

Somebody once said, “As you grow older you make a fool of yourself in a more dignified manner.”

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree, when one turned to the other and said, “Fernando, I’m 83 years old now and I’m just full of aches and pains. I know you’re about my age. How do you feel?”

Fernando says, “I feel just like a newborn baby.”

“Really? Like a newborn baby?”

“Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.”

ABCDEFG, HIJK….who wouldn’t know the alphabet?

But this is the first time I came across a material in the Internet from an anonymous source with the title “The Senior’s Alphabet.” Let me share this with you:

The Senior Alphabet

A is for Apple, and B is for Boat, 

That used to be right, But now it won’t float! 

Age before Beauty is what we once said, 

But let’s be a bit more realistic instead. 

Now A’s for arthritis; B’s the bad back, 

C is the chest pains, perhaps cardiac? 

D is for dental decay and decline, 

E is for eyesight, can’t read that top line! 

F is for fissures and fluid retention,

G is for gas which I’d rather not mention.

H is high blood pressure—I’d rather it low;

I for incisions with scars you can show. 

J is for joints, out of socket, won’t mend,

K is for knees that crack when they bend.

L for libido, what happened to sex?

M is for memory, I forget what comes next... 

Oh, yes... 

N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low;

O is for osteo, the bones that don’t grow!

P for prescriptions, I have quite a few,

Just give me a pill and I’ll be good as new! 

Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu?

R for reflux, one meal turns to two.

S for sleepless nights, counting my fears,

T for Tinnitus; there’re bells in my ears! 

U is for urinary; big troubles with flow;

V is for vertigo, that’s “dizzy” you know.

W is for worry, NOW what’s going ‘round?

X is for X ray, and what might be found. 

Y is another year I’m left here behind,

Z is for zest that I still have — in my mind. 

I’ve survived all the symptoms, my body’s deployed, 

and I’ve kept twenty-six doctors fully employed. 

Do not resent growing old. Not many people are given the privilege. Three words you and I need to remember: Grow Old Gracefully!

You don’t stop laughing because you have grown old; you’ve grown old because you have stopped laughing. The Ilocana and I talked about this, and we made a promise that we would remain upbeat and positive the day we enter our senior years.

I love what Ashley Montagu said: “I want to die young at a ripe old age.”

There is absolutely no reason to feel insecure about being old as long as one devotes his or her life into service for God and men.

A foursome of senior golfers hit the course with waning enthusiasm for the sport. “These hills are getting steeper as the years go by,” one complained.

“These fairways seem to be getting longer too,” said one of the others.

“The sand traps seem to be bigger than I remember them too,” said the third senior.

After hearing enough from his senior buddies, the oldest, and the wisest of the four of them at 87 years old, piped up and said, “Oh my friends, just be thankful we’re still on this side of the grass!”

Now aren’t you thankful?

(Francis Kong will speak on what successful entrepreneurs do differently and why. Attend the “Disciplines for Breakthrough Entrepreneurs” on April 24, 2010, at the Carlos P. Romulo Auditorium, RCBC Plaza, Makati. Call 996-4610 or visit www.iluvlearning.com to register.)