You and your big but

A woman is trying to board a bus, but her skirt is too tight and she can’t step up. She reaches behind her and lowers the zipper a bit and tries again.  Skirt’s still too tight. She reaches behind her and lowers the zipper some more.  She still can’t get on and lowers the zipper a third time.

Suddenly, she feels two hands on her butt, trying to push her up onto the bus.  She spins around and says very indignantly, “Sir, I do not know you well enough for you to do that!!” The man responds, “Lady, I don’t know you well enough for you to unzip my pants three times either!” Now that is an immensely embarrassing situation.

Today we will talk about getting rid of your big but spelled B-U-T.

Words are powerful and they define what you think and lead to what you do or wouldn’t do.

For instance, people who have a tendency to use the word “CAN’T” do not accomplish much in life. The word “CAN’T” is one of the most devastating and disempowering words that have blocked a lot of good people with good potential from achieving great success in life.

“I don’t want to accept the promotions because I know I “CAN’T” handle the responsibility.

“I want to quit smoking but I just “CAN’T” quit.

“I know our relationship is wrong but I just “CAN’T STOP SEEING HER/HIM!”

In my seminars I tell my people one big truth about this word.

If you think you can then you can be sure you can. But if you think you can’t you can be sure you’re right! 

The word “BUT” is another dangerous word that stops people from achieving their full potential. It is a word that is used to introduce something that is true, in spite of contradicting and negating everything that was said before it.

“I would love to accept the new assignment and I know that this is beneficial for the company and my personal career……..” (so far so good and now comes this bummer…) “BUT…….” and from here you attach a reason or an alibi.

Listen now. You cannot be successful without developing your critical winning conversation skill.

If you are the type of person who habitually uses the word “BUT” in your conversations every day you have built an image and a reputation of being a person who finds excuses in not getting things done. And when this happens people will trust you less and your chances for promotions will be nil.

Check it out. Have you heard yourself saying things like:

• “I wish I was more successful, BUT I was never given a chance to prove my worth.”

• “I wish I was 30 pounds lighter, BUT I have no time to exercise.”

• “I would have been on time to the meeting, BUT the traffic was terrible.”

Using the word ‘BUT” harm others too. Take for example the following:

• “Your ideas seem good to me “BUT” we’ve tried something similar before and it did not work.

• “I like your presentation “BUT” you could have added more graphics and animation to your slides.

• “I know you have won the account “BUT” you could have gotten a bigger slice of their budget…..”

You may have noticed but the word ‘BUT” really puts the brakes on motivation and inspiration. 

The word “BUT” is negative. Suppose you use a positive word “AND” instead. Look at this:

• I know I can be successful “AND” it’s up to me to prove my worth.

• I can take off a few pounds off me “AND” I will find time to exercise.

• “I would have been on time to the meeting, AND I apologize for losing track of time. I commit to being on time to the meeting from this point forward.”

Look at how this affect others:

• Your ideas seem good to me so together you and I will see to it that it will work.”

• I like your presentation “AND” I will walk you through some possible improvements on the graphics and animation how’s that?”

• Congratulations for winning the account so tell me what I can do to help you “AND” get a bigger slice of their budget.

Switching from the negative word “BUT” and replacing it with a more positive ‘AND’ plus applying a careful selection of the dialogue that follows can turn a negative situation into a positive one. Starting today, get rid of your big “BUT” “AND” start working your way to a better future. Fill your heart with hope and faith for The Bible says: “Out of the fullness of the heart the mouth speaks.”

(Francis Kong will be the lead trainer for the Dr. John Maxwell’s “Developing the Leader within You” leadership program this September 25-26 at Hotel Intercon Makati. For further inquiries contact Inspire Leadership Consultancy Inc. (632-6872614).