Are you talking to me?

A conversation took place one day between a doctor and his patient:

“Please doctor you’ve got to help me. I’ve been stung by a Bee.” Says the patient.

“Don’t worry; put some salve on it.” Replied the doctor.

“I will never find that bee. It must be miles away by now.”

“No, you don’t understand! - put some salve on the place where you were stung.”

“Oh! That was in the garden where I was sitting under a tree.”

“No, No! I mean on the part of your body that the bee stung.”

Man still screaming in pain: “On my finger! The bee stung me on my finger and it really hurts.”

“Which one?” asked the doctor.

“How am I to know?” replied the patient…”All bees look the same to me.”

Was there a conversation taking place? I don’t think so. There was a lot of talking but there was no conversation.

Do you know that the same situation happens in the work place?

There’s a lot of talking and speaking going on but are people hearing sounds and noises or are they really listening to what you are saying?

Here are some ideas on how to listen to others so that they in turn will listen to you:

Really listening to people is a skill we have to develop. But here’s the bonus. People feel encouraged and relieved when they are assured that you do not only really listened to them but you actually understood what they were saying. And then a wonderful thing begins to happen. They will actually reciprocate by listening to you and they will try their best to understand your viewpoint. This is what effective communications is all about and there are ways by which we can achieve this.

1. Do not go on autopilot.

I hate this when I see people doing this yet I am guilty of doing it too. Doing texting while somebody is speaking…working on my email or reading from it while somebody is talking. We may not be saying this but our actions are conveying the message that says: “Can’t you see you I am busy?”…. “You are not as important as what I am doing now”……. “Can’t this thing wait?” Not only is it rude it causes the inability to understand vital things that are being said. So fight off distractions.

2. Stay away from clutter.

Make sure that the conversation is taking place away from sources of noise and distractions. Noise clutters always distract concentration so make sure that the environment is conducive to effective listening.

3. Take down notes.

A short pen is better than a long memory. Keep your notes brief so that you will not impair your ability to listen while you are writing. Write key words that would jog your memory later as you recall the complete content of the message.

4. Posture…posture.

Whether you are sitting down or standing up make sure you’re straight enough to listen carefully to what is being said. Establish eye contact. Uncross your arms and legs and lean slightly forward. Nod affirmatively and use appropriate facial expressions when called for but do not be OA (over-acting!).

If something interests you your posture would show. And the same posture would show too if you’re bored and you lose what you are hearing. But put your people at ease as they speak to you. Make them relax and sense that you are 100 percent attentive to what they are saying.

And here is the key and I cannot stress this enough:

DO NOT GIVE THE IMPRESSION YOU WANT TO JUMP RIGHT IN AND SPEAK.

5. Clarify…clarify.

If what you are hearing does not seem clear, do not be afraid to ask the person to repeat what he or she just said. Ask open-ended questions to allow others to express their feelings and thoughts. The effective use of questions shows them that you are interested and that you are listening, and it allows you to contribute to the conversation.

Constantly talking isn’t necessarily communicating. And a Jewish Proverb says: “No one is as deaf as the man who will not listen.”

God has given us two ears and one mouth so that we can listen more and speak less.

And this is the essence of effective communications.

(Attend the 1st Ziglar Sales Summit featuring International speaker Kris Dhanam, together with Anthony Pangilinan and Francis Kong this Sept. 4 at the Carlos P. Romulo Auditorium in RCBC Plaza, Makati with a special Video Message from the master motivator Zig Ziglar himself. For further inquiries contact Inspire Leadership Consultancy Inc. 632-8129125)