The party animal

Harry had a bit of a drinking problem. Every night, after dinner, he took off for the local bar. He spent the whole evening there, and arrived home, well inebriated, around midnight each night. He always had trouble getting his key into the keyhole, and getting the door opened. His wife, waiting up for him, would go to the door and let him in. Then she would proceed to yell and scream at him, for his constant nights out, and coming home in a drunken state. But, Harry continued his nightly routine.

One day, the wife was talking to a friend about her husband’s behavior, and was particularly distraught by it all. The friend listened to her, and then said, “Why don’t you treat him a little differently when he comes home? Instead of berating him, why don’t you give him some loving words, and welcome him home with a kiss? He then might change his ways.” The wife thought it was worth trying.

That night, Harry took off again, after dinner. And, about midnight, he arrived home, in his usual condition. His wife heard him at the door, quickly went to it, opened the door, and let Harry in. This time, instead of berating him, as she had always done, she took his arm, and led him into the living room. She sat him down in an easy chair, put his feet up on the ottoman and took his shoes off. Then she went behind him, and started to cuddle him a little. After a while, she said to him, “It’s pretty late. I think we had better go upstairs to bed now, don’t you?” At that, Harry replied, in his inebriated state, “I guess we might as well. I’ll get in trouble when I get home anyway!” 

Now let me tell you a real story.

A man goes to a party and has too much to drink. His friends plead with him to let them take him home. He says no, he only lives a mile away. About five blocks from the party, the police pull him over for weaving and ask him to get out of the car and walk the line.

Just as he starts, the police radio blares out a notice of a robbery taking place in a house just a block away. The police told the party animal to stay put, they will be right back and they hop a fence and run down the street to the robbery. The guy waits and waits and finally decides to drive home.

When he gets there, he tells his wife he is going to bed, and to tell anyone who might come looking for him that he has the flu and has been in bed all day.

A few hours later the police knock on the door. They ask if Mr. X lives there and his wife says yes. They ask to see him and she replies that he is in bed with the flu and has been so all day. The police have his driver’s license. They ask to see his car and she asks why. They insist on seeing his car, so she takes them to the garage and opens the door and there sits their police car, lights still flashing.

Now this is a true story, told by the driver at his first Alcoholic Anonymous meeting. 

Famous motivational speaker Zig Ziglar says: “Authorities now know that approximately one person in sixteen who ever takes a social drink will become an alcoholic! 

How many of you would get on an airplane if before it took off you knew there was a one out of 16 chance that it would crash and destroy your life. Actually, the odds for a commercial airliner crashing are closer to one out of 1,000,000; but even with those odds some people will not fly. Yet many of these same people will take a drink!”

American survey says Jellinek’s disease (also called alcoholism) is responsible for:

• 50 percent of all auto fatalities

• 80 percent of all home violence

• 30 percent of all suicides

• 60 percent of all child abuse

• 65 percent of all drownings

And the fastest growing segment of drinkers today is women. 

The Bible says wine is a mocker, strong drink is raging.

Now here is the key: “Much drinking, little thinking.”

When the wise company president learned that his employees were tanking up on no-trace vodka martinis during their lunch hours, he issued the following memo:

To all employees; If you must drink during you lunch hours, please drink whiskey. It is better for our customers to know you’re drunk than to think you’re stupid.

What happened after the memo was given? Problem Drinking at Work? Solved.

There will be a lot of Christmas parties to attend beginning today. Watch it!

Two men were drinking in an office Christmas party celebration.  After the fifth shot, one of the men fell off his stool, passed out, and was dead to the world. The other one looked down and said, “That’s what I like about Joe. He always knows when he’s had enough.”

(Send me your feedback and write me: [email protected] You can also listen to my radio program “Business Matters” aired 8:30a.m. and 6:30 p.m. daily over 98.7 dzFE-FM ‘The Master’s Touch’, the classical music station.)