In Chic

E-Male’s friend Zig dared him to clamber up the Great Wall of the language divide to consider becoming a linguist of sorts – fluent in both Tagalog (with the ala-e twang of a red-blooded Batangueño) and English with a healthy siding of Pig Latin he picked up from law school (Exhibit "A" – Dura lex sed lex).

And although the latter language hadn’t given him much of an edge in terms of his resumé, it has, however, managed to steal him a few years of cool back in grade school. Nowadays, his lingual prowess has been shelved for the moment, realizing that one need only know Tagalog and English. That is, however, up until the Chinese decided to take over the planet as E-Male marveled aloud at the progress of the Chinese civilization during a field trip to Shanghai-Xiamen-Suzchou-Hangjou last year.

A purebred Filipino, E-Male prides himself for being a self-made man. And although he knows being self-made has nothing to do with being purebred, he goes on and throws that term around anyway. However, he does sometimes claim an eighth of Spanish in his blood (the rare white balat on his left arm is testament to his Castilian genealogy). But the Spanish seemed to have grown out of style as of late. Very pre-Katipunan Filipino, as E-Male would say. For the most part, the Chinese seem to have entrenched themselves quite nicely into the cultural limelight of the Filipino.

It comes as no surprise that E-Male would be the last one on earth to figure that one out. He is probably one of the last Mohicans who swear that chicken mami originated in the Philippines, courtesy of Ma Mon Luk. He grew up on a diet of Chinese cuisine and is a weekend gastronaut at Binondo. If we are what we eat, then we’re practically Sinos. We love the Chinese here and everywhere else on the globe. Them, their mami-siomai-siopao, their language and of course – F4!

In the Philippines alone, the Chinese diaspora has already exceeded two million, which is far more than the Chinese populace of all major European countries combined. In the whole of Asia, overseas Chinese have accumulated to over 28 million, which of course excludes other numbers coming from surrounding continents. In China itself, the estimate has hit the 1.3 billion mark and is expected to grow even more in the coming years. And all these numbers, surprisingly, are yet to include residents that have partial Chinese background or roots. The world economy is going oriental, and it isn’t waiting for permission.

Though some analysts view this trend as a population control experiment gone completely awry, E-Male sees it as a prelude to major changes in the economic playing field. Although English is still considered as the forerunning language in the corporate world, the fact still remains that Chinese languages – Mandarin and Fookien – are still spoken more than any other languages in the world.

English falls a far second, with Spanish coming at an even farther third. At the rate things are going, if Chinese isn’t introduced into the global setting as a formidable dialect by entrepreneurs, it’ll more likely be catapulted into the arena by itself. By sheer force if need be. Like a cultural battering ram so to speak.

And with E-Male being quick enough to jump into some starter Mandarin courses, he quips that it’s a lot better to jump into the fray feet first than be thrown into it later with your face first.

Much like us Filipinos, Chinese dialects are as varied as Imelda’s shoe collection. From Mandarin to Fookien to Macau, picking up the Chinese language isn’t as simple as a run through the shoe rack. It’s more like taking the entire shoe rack with you. Of course, E-Male thinks that basic Chinese is quite easy to pick-up on its own: siomai, siopao, congee. A quick run along your local Chinese restaurant is always a superb crash course for starters. Basic food groups never fail to be great springboards into new languages – take the French for instance.

Talk Chinese, think Chinese, or so goes E-Male’s latest witticism; with any luck, he hopes to profit like the Chinese.

From Bench to Metrobank, Sun Cellular to Shoemart Department Stores, the Chinese are as inexplicably embedded into the Filipino lifestyle as the Filipino is with the Chinese. The term Filipino should quickly be changed to simply Chinoy for the sake of accuracy. The term purebred is purely biological. Business is a Chinese word. And if you’re spending any amount of money anytime soon, you’d best be buying into it already.

Armed with the Chinese language, you haven’t only opened up communications with your next oriental waiter, but over 1.5 billion Chinese all across the world.

A twist of racism aside, situations do arise where having some Chinese in your blood is actually a good card to have up your sleeve. Being chinito has always been a plus for most of the ladies, and the monosyllabic family name doesn’t really get in the way much of spelling. Although it is kind of strange to discover that you’re virtually related to everyone else, and that any relationship within your race is practically incestuous; having a big family never killed anyone (except the mafia of course). Ironically, E-Male has tried transfusing some Chinese blood into his by sheer force, but regrettably realized that a chinito complexion didn’t literally run in the veins.

Picking up the language is just as well as being part Chinese. Territorial colonization is so 19th century. The in thing nowadays is economic colonization. And as proven by the Chinese, it can be done through sheer number and ingenuity. Sounds like a prejudicial invasion of some sort, tagging the Chinese as if they were some sort of plague running like rampant wildfire. Plague might not be so politically correct. But rampant wildfire is hardly an exaggeration.

Getting ahead in business has everything to do with the language. And as it seems, business is a Chinese word.