Fast, slow, fast, slow

Mr. Ross McBride, an educator, once explained why we sometimes have a difficult time understanding one another, or for that matter, why we are often misunderstood. He began his fascinating lecture by asking us to make two lists: People we like a lot, and those we do not like too much.

He then instructed us to rate the speed of our speech in imaginary kilometers per hour terms (as if we were a moving vehicle), and using that as a benchmark, to rate those on the two lists as well.

If you feel inclined, try to do this now before reading on.

The purpose of the exercise is to illustrate a theory: That we tend to get along with people who speak within our own speed range, and are prejudiced against those who speak either slower or faster than ourselves. For slow talkers, people who speak fast could come across as arrogant, sleazy, shady, over-confident, overly ambitious, untrustworthy and inconsiderate. For fast talkers, people who speak slowly could seem to be dumb, boring, stupid, lacking in ambition, unreliable and inconsiderate. The subliminal prejudice creates an opaque barrier that discourages willingness to listen or enthusiasm to make the effort to talk.

People speaking in different speeds are not unlike people in cars with open windows on a highway. Two cars running at the same speed would allow the two people to carry on a conversation. However, a car speeding past the other gives absolutely no opportunity for any meaningful communication to take place and can be cause for grave misunderstanding.

But the reality is, we cannot choose who we communicate with. However, we do have a choice as to how we communicate. It would therefore be a very worthwhile experiment to sensitize our awareness of the speed of our voice and our reaction to another’s. Mr. McBride suggests that we can improve our ability to communicate and be persuasive by being aware of and adapting to the speed of the person we are speaking with. This is especially important to those who are in leadership positions trying to build consensus. Those in marketing who need to sell an idea or a product should likewise adjust the speed of their speech to that of the customer.

When we communicate to a group of people, we must bear in mind that there will always be a 50/50 proportion of fast to slow talkers. No, we should not select a median speed to reach out to the group because this would mean reaching neither the fast nor slow talkers. Mr. McBride instead suggests that we should speak slowly 50 percent of the time and speed up in the other 50 percent within a series of sentences or paragraphs if we want our message to be clearly understood by everyone. Fast, slow, fast, slow.

I must say it is difficult to remember to practice this especially when I become excited about an idea. As a generally fast talker, I realize that there is danger of failing to accurately pass a message when I speed along like a runaway train. Perhaps there is wisdom in how Filipino television shows move from a quick fighting scene to a heroine crying for ten minutes. A scriptwriter once explained to me that it sometimes requires at least 10 minutes for the message to reach the person at the back of a crowded home beset by sounds of the neighborhood in the barrios.

Despite the sounds of the neighborhood or the noises in our minds, perhaps this simple exercise to slow down and speed up, or simply to be considerate and sensitive to each other will help us understand this extremely incomprehensible society of ours!

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Appreciate your comments at dorisho@attglobal.net.