Do working women have it easier today?

MANILA, Philippines — Tomorrow May 15 is the International Day of Families and coming on the heels of the widely celebrated Mother’s Day, the spotlight is shining on homemakers everywhere.  With growing awareness and support for gender diversity, do working women today have an easier time building careers while raising families?Dr. Anna Lisa Lim-Ong, chief of the Section of Infectious and Tropical Disease at the University of Philippines and the Philippine General Hospital (UP-PGH), can certainly inspire working women, not only from the medical field.  Married for 24 years, she and husband Michael are rearing four children from ages 23 to 15. 

Striking a balance

“When the kids were much younger, it was important to follow their schedules more closely, especially because they needed supervision to complete school requirements,” recalled Ong.  She would make it a point to be home by the time her children got home.  If work kept her at the hospital or clinic or in a class, she would pick up the phone to find out if they needed any help.

Even with four children, Ong steadily built her career.  Today, she is associate professor and Attending Pediatrician at UP-PGH, and also serves as fellow of the Philippine Paediatric Society (where she is also a member of the Board of Trustees) and the Pediatric Infectious Disease Society of the Philippines (where she is the incumbent president).

“I am blessed to have a flexible schedule that allowed me to adjust  when my children needed me to be present for their school or extra-curricular activities. Now that they are older, we have a different challenge – to align everyone’s schedules so that there is a common time for us to meet each week.”

While Pia Roman-Tayag keeps banker’s hours, that does not stop her from carving quality and quantity time for her three children with ages between seven and one. Tayag currently wears two hats at the Bangko Sentral ng Pilipinas: managing director of the Inclusive Finance Advocacy Office; and head of the Financial Consumer Protection Department.

“When I got married, my husband and I were praying for even just one child, but really hoping for two. We were blessed with three and our hands are happily full,” shared Tayag.

Yes, her hours at the office give her limited time with her kids but Tayag explained “that’s why I try to make every minute count. No nannies when I am with them so I can have them all to myself. I try to find any reserve energy, so I am still 100 percent when I see them even if work can get tiring on some days.”

Quality and quantity time

For Tayag, finding parenting time means deliberate effort and planning on a daily basis. “I don’t mind staying late at work on Mondays since that is just coming off from the weekend. Or, when I get home and find the kids asleep, I try to see if the schedule will allow them to fetch me from work the next day. Or when it is a particularly busy week, we try to plan a trip out of town on the weekend.”

Ong echoed the same view: “Quality and quantity time need to complement each other: with the demanding schedules everyone has now, I think families need to be very conscious and intentional about how interactions can be maximized whenever they spend time together. In the same way that we plan how to be productive in the workplace, thinking through what takes place whenever we spend time as a family will be helpful.”

Technology is also making it possible for working mothers to stay connected at all times.  According to Ong, her family relies heavily on social networking apps including  Viber or Messenger to communicate and align their plans. Tayag agrees as she heavily uses Viber and video calls during her work trips, in checking homework or simply to stay in touch during the day.

While raising her four children ages 23 to 15, Dr. Anna Lisa Lim-Ong steadily built a career in medicine.

Women-friendly workplace

As more and more companies realize the benefits gender diversity brings to the workplace including to the bottom line, many policies friendlier to working women have been introduced.

Tayag for one, has many kind words to share about her employer. “Our office has many initiatives for mothers including accessible lactation rooms, summer programs for kids, family days, special leaves, among others,” she narrated. “But the best support I get at work is from seeing all the dedicated moms that work there.  I love hearing stories about how many years they have worked in BSP and how their kids are all happy and successful where they are. I think to myself, they can do it, maybe I can too.”

In Ong’s experience, after completing her medical training, her field allowed for a flexible schedule so work life balance was possible to achieve, “However, it did call for conscious decisions to avoid scheduling regular clinics late in the day or even on weekends, as these are the times that the kids would be likely to need me to be around.”

Navigating challenges

Parenting is not always a walk in the park, and Tayag candidly shared some of her challenges.

“One challenge was (and sometimes still is) traveling for work. When I was still breastfeeding, the logistics could be tricky. As the kids got a bit older, explaining why I had to leave was even harder. Another ongoing challenge is managing my time across the three kids. Each one wants your 100% attention. I need to know when one needs more attention and I would arrange one-on-one dates,” related Tayag. 

Last year in particular was tough for Tayag. She had just given birth to her only daughter Olivia and also took on additional responsibilities at work.  It was also her oldest Liam’s first year in big school and younger son Noah wanted more time with her too.

“So that’s all the usual demands plus surviving on sleepless nights, but no complaints. It just had to be managed. I have such a strong support group in the family. Aside from my husband Migs, I have four sisters who are like my kids’ second moms,” revealed Tayag.

When it comes to parenting styles, Ong talked about the cop-coach-consultant paradigm that she and her husband learned early on. “When the kids are younger, they need for you to tell them what to do (cop), but as they grow older, you align on objectives and let them have more and more control on how to achieve the outcomes (coach). As they reach adulthood, you wait for them to consult you, and try not to feel bad if they opt not to follow your advice!”

Tayag said she has no definite parenting style, and claims that like all moms, she just tries to do her best. And like all moms, she questions herself a lot, too. “Each chance I get, each word I speak to the kids, every activity we do, I hope is in line with what I wish to impart to them. I want them to be happy, to be curious, to imagine, to value family, to try their best, to know what is right and wrong, to learn about how to help out and be good people.”

Parenting then and now

Ong believes working mothers then and now have their own sets of challenges. “Certainly, some of the issues they encountered remain the same as ours, because of our common goal of raising kids into responsible adults. I think the conveniences of modern technology, though, have brought their unique concerns and dangers.”

Tayag lost her mother when she was 14 and regrets not having been able to ask her about motherhood and how she raised five girls.  “I think each mom is different and all just try to do the best they can for their kids. They come in all shapes and sizes and different labels too from helicopter moms, to laissez faire moms, to stay at home moms, but all are the same in loving their kids the way they know how.” 

Final piece of advice for working mothers from Ong: “get your husbands to be actively involved in the kids’ day to day activities, instead of maintaining the traditional separation of roles where moms are primarily responsible for the kids.”