Are you carrying excess emotional baggage?
July 25, 2004 | 12:00am
After the age of 25 most of us have often gotten our hearts broken, usually because of a not-so-perfect guy. To find that special someone is usually a trial-and-error game and most of the time we have to endure the battle scars of this trial-and-error game. When most of us end up with a lot of errors in the relationship department, we end up carrying a lot of baggage, issues and a pessimistic outlook in life. In other words, we become damaged goods. But just remember – nothing in life stays the same; sometimes we do find that perfect significant other. The question is: Do you ruin your chances with that perfect someone because of a not-so-perfect past?
If you look closely at yourself and your relationships with the opposite sex, you will notice that the more relationships you have, the farther away you are from who you were when you started dating. You change and evolve with every person you date because you absorb both the negative and the positive vibes of your partner. The problem is that most of the time the negative predominates the positive. This is so because when a relationship ends, there is always healing to be done and the first thoughts and emotions are always negative when we are in the healing process.
We often purge all the negativity to heal and survive the pain. By doing so, we end up hurting others and alienating ourselves. However, the drawback here is what if we meet that special person when we are in our negative phase, does that mean we have ruined the possibility of a happy future?
It takes a lot of time to move on and exude positive energy when a relationship ends. So as we heal, we not only dwell on the negative but we close ourselves and put ourselves behind thick safe walls where no one can get in because we create an atmosphere of safety and security. But again, by doing so we ward off any potential partners who can give us our fantasy of a happy future. We must learn to leave ourselves open without the fear of getting hurt. As every relationship ends, we must welcome a new relationship with a clean slate and not bring our sordid past into what could be eternal happiness for us in the future.
We must remember that there are no two people alike; each partner is different. One person’s negative aspect may not exist in another. So to give ourselves a fighting chance of finding future happiness, we shouldn’t compare each partner with the next one because even your future partner will not know what he or she may be up against. We should let go of the ghosts of our past and move forward to the next relationship with an open mind, giving the same chances and opportunities as you have with the very first person you have ever loved.
By doing this, not only do you have a fresh new relationship with your new partner, it will also feel much better personally. No baggage, no issues and no major problems. Just think: How would you feel if you had to deal with your new partner’s baggage and fear from his or her past relationship? Having a one-on-one relationship with one another is hard enough; can you imagine carrying on a relationship with two people at the same time? You, your partner and all the bad stuff his or her ex left behind. It wouldn’t be fair for you to pay for someone else’s misgivings, so why should you expect your new partner to do the same. The past should stay in the past and the future should be made up as you go along.
Planning for the future may be just as disappointing as well; no one can really predict the future unless you’re gifted with the paranormal and psychic or you have a magical crystal ball. Remember one thing – if you don’t expect, you don’t regret. Take things one day at a time and just go with the flow. That way, you don’t set yourself up for disappointment. What ends up happening when you take things easy is that little things will end up surprising you and making you happy. Wouldn’t you rather have an unexpected surprise than a predicted disappointment?
One other thing we always miss is that often we play deaf, dumb and blind to all the signs that surround us if a relationship is over or our partner isn’t the one for us. And vice versa – the perfect match could be staring us in the face without our noticing one bit.
So sharpen your senses and watch out for the signs around us – spiritual or literally in our face. God and the universe most often than not will tell you when the person isn’t the right one and it’s time to let go. Just make sure when you let go that you let everything go so you can move on.
If you look closely at yourself and your relationships with the opposite sex, you will notice that the more relationships you have, the farther away you are from who you were when you started dating. You change and evolve with every person you date because you absorb both the negative and the positive vibes of your partner. The problem is that most of the time the negative predominates the positive. This is so because when a relationship ends, there is always healing to be done and the first thoughts and emotions are always negative when we are in the healing process.
We often purge all the negativity to heal and survive the pain. By doing so, we end up hurting others and alienating ourselves. However, the drawback here is what if we meet that special person when we are in our negative phase, does that mean we have ruined the possibility of a happy future?
It takes a lot of time to move on and exude positive energy when a relationship ends. So as we heal, we not only dwell on the negative but we close ourselves and put ourselves behind thick safe walls where no one can get in because we create an atmosphere of safety and security. But again, by doing so we ward off any potential partners who can give us our fantasy of a happy future. We must learn to leave ourselves open without the fear of getting hurt. As every relationship ends, we must welcome a new relationship with a clean slate and not bring our sordid past into what could be eternal happiness for us in the future.
We must remember that there are no two people alike; each partner is different. One person’s negative aspect may not exist in another. So to give ourselves a fighting chance of finding future happiness, we shouldn’t compare each partner with the next one because even your future partner will not know what he or she may be up against. We should let go of the ghosts of our past and move forward to the next relationship with an open mind, giving the same chances and opportunities as you have with the very first person you have ever loved.
By doing this, not only do you have a fresh new relationship with your new partner, it will also feel much better personally. No baggage, no issues and no major problems. Just think: How would you feel if you had to deal with your new partner’s baggage and fear from his or her past relationship? Having a one-on-one relationship with one another is hard enough; can you imagine carrying on a relationship with two people at the same time? You, your partner and all the bad stuff his or her ex left behind. It wouldn’t be fair for you to pay for someone else’s misgivings, so why should you expect your new partner to do the same. The past should stay in the past and the future should be made up as you go along.
Planning for the future may be just as disappointing as well; no one can really predict the future unless you’re gifted with the paranormal and psychic or you have a magical crystal ball. Remember one thing – if you don’t expect, you don’t regret. Take things one day at a time and just go with the flow. That way, you don’t set yourself up for disappointment. What ends up happening when you take things easy is that little things will end up surprising you and making you happy. Wouldn’t you rather have an unexpected surprise than a predicted disappointment?
One other thing we always miss is that often we play deaf, dumb and blind to all the signs that surround us if a relationship is over or our partner isn’t the one for us. And vice versa – the perfect match could be staring us in the face without our noticing one bit.
So sharpen your senses and watch out for the signs around us – spiritual or literally in our face. God and the universe most often than not will tell you when the person isn’t the right one and it’s time to let go. Just make sure when you let go that you let everything go so you can move on.
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