Charlie & Rio Cojuangco:‘In sickness and in health, for better or for worse’

Rio Diaz-Cojuangco’s courageous five-year battle with cancer is an open book to a public that has come to admire the former Mutya ng Pilipinas and actress for her unwavering faith, strength and hope. In yet another triumph over her adversary, Rio emerged from a 10-day coma last January, proving yet again that with God’s grace and mercy, nothing is impossible. While Rio’s story has been that of one woman’s tenacity, it is also at heart, a beautiful love story. For Rio’s fight has been her husband Charlie Cojuangco’s fight as well, her every pain, her every joy, virtually his own. Perhaps if there is one good reason Rio consistently wins over the Big C, it is that she is blessed to have done so with somebody who loves her by her side. As anyone who has been critically ill well knows, that makes a world of a difference.

But as Rio admitted to Allure, the presence of an illness can take its toll on any marriage, and especially so on the spouses of cancer patients. "I cannot see the husband or wife of cancer patients as not suffering even as much because the companionship, the time together, the expectations of what a regular relationship is all about are all tested. And then the devil works his way through each of us, to divide us, to part us."

Still, Rio mused, "Our lives are more focused now on what God’s purpose is for us. Charlie always tells me, ‘You know that’s why you’re alive – God has a purpose for you.’ But people may fail to see that God also has a purpose for each of us. Mine just seems to be more in the public eye because Charlie is a politician and because of his family life. God has really designed that each of us has a purpose. The question is, when God calls you to a mission, it is bigger than yourself and sometimes it will outlive you. But God is asking each of us one question – are you available?"

This time, it’s Charlie’s turn to share how he made himself available to God’s purpose for him and his wife, revealing how he and Rio have used the power of love to triumph over the Big C.

Falling in love

"I fell in love with everything about Rio – her personality which is magaan, easy to get along with. I already felt something when I first met her. I had told my cousin kasi that I wanted to meet her. Was there a physical attraction? Maybe. When you meet somebody face to face your impression can either be affirmed or not. Or maybe it can be the wrong timing – whatever. We just talked and I got her number. After that we watched two movies. We hit it off immediately.

"Mababaw ang pleasures namin – tawa lang nang tawa, watching movies, kain nang kain. And then from there, the other things came in. As you talk, you get to know the other person.

‘Why me, why us?’

"When I first learned that Rio had cancer, I asked myself, ‘Why us? Why me?’ We had been married for four years and we had two kids. Two or three weeks went by with me asking those questions. I did break down because her sisters cry easily so I cried with them. (At least) I had somebody to cry with. After two or three weeks Rio said we should seek relief or help from the Lord so I said, ‘Sige, I’ll talk to the husband of your friend who’s a pastor in the US.’

"I’m not saying I’m religious but it (having faith in God) has really helped me in a lot of ways. Although I still have a lot of things to work on with my personality, it (coping with cancer) brings you back to the center; if you (had gone) left or right, it brings you back to the center. Left is an expression for nadidiskaril ka or you don’t go where life is supposed to lead you. Life is like that – it has a lot of distractions, and some people have more distractions than others. We as human beings are prone to that. It pulls you back to the center everytime you stray. I don’t put a lot of stock on people who always talk about morality because no one I know has that all the time. Why? Because we’re human. And as long as we pull ourselves back – God naman knows what’s in our heart – it will stay there.

"Aside from that she had treatment and all of that discomfort. Figuratively you have that feeling but I don’t think you would want to go through the pain of cancer patients. You can see other patients in the clinic and it’s something that is not easy. But she copes with it I guess because of the Lord. Kung kaya ni Rio, kaya ko rin, kasi she was going through a lot more.

What to tell the kids?

"The kids know their mom is sick. We told them that it’s a sickness that can come and go. Yes, they also know it can be fatal; they’ve known this since our daughter was three – Rio told them. Siyempre at that age, if it does happen, the effect of reality is a lot stronger. So they are at a stage I think where they’ll be getting stronger because they’re past the toddler stage. Claudia is eight and Jaime, six. Ali (Rio’s son by Hajji Alejandro–Editor) has known this since he was 16. He’s 21.

Facing death

"In life you really don’t know what to expect. You can more or less see where you’re going but you don’t always get there. Or you don’t always take the same route you see to get there. Sometimes when you get there it’s not what you thought it would be.

"We’re here to do something – not only good things but maybe to help people. Not everybody’s here to help people. Each one has his own purpose. So we just have to make the best of it. We shouldn’t say ‘Wow kawawa naman kami.’ Maybe that happened to us but we’re blessed naman in other ways. Parang it’s hard to say na sana maiba.

"Yes, we do talk about death. In fact in her last treatment, in and out siya sa coma, I was there because she had made a form with instructions. But I wasn’t there when she made it; she and her friend Marisette Galang who’s also undergoing chemotherapy made the form when I wasn’t there. It had instructions on what to do in case she dies, things like ‘do not resuscitate,’ where to bring (her remains) – it was detailed, about five or six pages long. And what was nice about it is that it was matter-of-fact, not something djahe.

"Anyway, I wanted to confirm with her kung tama ba itong nilagay mo just to double check. Pero in and out siya sa coma! I wanted to ask her pag gising siya kung tama ba ito? Pero hindi ko nagawa for 10 days.

"When something like that happens, even if you say, ‘Sige I will take the responsibility, I will do what I think is right,’ you’re still not sure if it is her actual wishes that’s there. That’s why I wanted to get that out of the way.

Life is still beautiful

"You know, what I appreciate now is when we are just walking in a mall and somebody will approach us and say, ‘We’re praying for you.’ That’s nice. They also tell us the same thing back home in Negros Occidental in our constituency. Because of this (Rio’s cancer) I have been gone basically half the time from Congress. This is my second term but I have spent bale one term lang talaga in Congress (laughs). But that doesn’t mean na wala tayong nagagawa. It’s just that I understand that in the nature of public service locally, our people are more comfortable na maski wala kang ginawa, you’re always there with them. Parang they value that. I’m lucky because maybe my constituents understand my situation. When they tell me, ‘We’re praying for you and your wife,’ that’s nice – nakakataba ng puso.

Fending off temptation

"Yes, the thought (of having a girlfriend) did cross my mind when Rio was sick. These last couple of months, parang she was in the worst condition. Last January, she was not eating anymore for three or four months because the cancer was around her stomach and the doctor described (its growth) as like pouring molasses outside the stomach. Then when it grows, it grows inwards, kumakapal. So it squeezes the stomach. So she couldn’t eat or swallow. (Rio shrank to 96 lbs. and the doctor had told her she could no longer take food nor drink for the rest of her life –Editor).

"But then, whether you do it (the temptation) or not, just thinking about it is parang ganoon na rin. As I said, your faith should bring you back. Because if not, you can continue on that track and end up God knows where and never come back and lose everything that you left behind.

Their families by their side

"Both our families have been supportive. Her sisters would drop what they were doing and take turns whenever Rio was hospitalized. Her brother would be there for two or three months. So whoever can be there, goes there. I joke them na basta ’wag lang more than three at a time kasi hindi ko kayo kaya (laughs). Masaya pero magulo.

The necessity of prayer

‘When you pray, it’s usually to ask for something. Then when we honor the Lord it’s usually on a Sunday. But if you equate praising the Lord as a nourishment to our bodies, if we equate that with eating – and you eat at least three times a day seven days a week! – how come we only pray once a day or go to Mass only once a week? Parang hindi balanced yon.

No regrets

"It sounds corny but I would not want to change anything, including the disappointments. Why? Because even the disappointments later on have their positive side. And in this life we cannot have everything. It’s part of the process of trying to live the life we are supposed to live. We’re not supposed to have everything we want. Disappointment is part of life. But in the end, as Rio said, it’s how you finish that should be what we should look at.

’Til the end of time

"My only hope is that Rio and I can enjoy the time we have together. If we will be given more time, that’s great. If not, thanks pa rin.

"If Rio should leave me now, I will tell her, ‘No regrets. I hope to see you soon and I will try to do my best to raise our children well’."

(E-mail the author at annmondo@yahoo.com)