Fatherly ad-Vice

If we define "vice" as a weakness, a bad or even evil habit, then it won’t be much of a stretch to say that two vices or weaknesses we fathers often possess are one, that of rigidly projecting our own dreams and desires onto our sons and daughters, and two, defining our so called "quality time" with them by our own standards.

Think about it. I had a request to do a shoot for Cinderella’s Father’s Day promotion with my three boys and there was a questionnaire involved in the exercise. Two questions, to be answered by the kids (I have three boys), had to do with their best memory of time spent with their Dad and what they loved most about me. So, in typical egocentric fashion, I thought of moments like holidays I’ve spent with them in the beach or abroad; of visits to the bookstores where we’d sit on the floor in front of the children’s section and ransack the shelves in the search for different types of books to purchase. Obviously, I love books, reading and trying to promote this love to my sons seemed to me a logical step, something I presumed we’d share and revel in. As I said, how selfish and egocentric of me.

Sure, they can love books and reading; but uniformly (and I did ask them at separate moments), their answers revolved around the times we’d spend in our bedroom, just lying down, looking at the ceiling and making jokes, or rough-housing, tickling them until they plead mercy, a "take-off and crash to the bed" trick), or scaring Momma with imaginary spiders and cockroaches, and hearing her scream and threaten us with expulsion from the room.

Some might raise their eyebrows and think "Babaw!" but hearing these answers, I realized they are the right answers. My boys are aged 11, nine and four and given that I spend the day at the office and often make it a point to drop by Dish at night, what would constitute "real moments" for them if not those times that we’re all just being ourselves, with no pretension or pressure to prove anything (like what they’ve learned at school that day or how they can spell "onomatopoeia" or multiply some fraction).

All those moments of togetherness coupled with fatherly pride over their accomplishments can come in time. They are still children, and their joys and happiness are simple with a capital "S." To ask for more would be merely projecting our own adult expectations or having them respond to these expectations to make us happy. Would I really want my four-year-old to say that his best moment with me was when I tried to explain the dialectic of historical materialism to him? Okay, so that was an extreme example, but would anything less extreme be any more real to him? No, at their ages, it’s proximity, togetherness and even silliness that means unadulterated fun; and maybe the word "unadulterated" holds the key, as it could mean taking the "adult" out of the situation.

Too often we puff our chest, think we’re doing so much for our children by paying for their education and putting food on the table. And so whatever time we can afford to give them should be treated like "manna from heaven." Wrong! We should never make the mistake of defining "quality time" ourselves; as we may be pleasantly surprised to discover that it in fact does not take much to make these small ones feel fulfilled and truly closer to us. To me, the true essence of this Father’s Day message is our responsibility as fathers to remember the child in us more than fhe "them-in-us."

SARS-mariosep again:

The Tangled Web

SARS may be on the wane — thank God! — but there is one aspect of the whole phenomenon that sticks like a burr in my proverbial behind – and it has to do with human behavior. In my mind, the depths of hell should have one circle reserved for all those get rich quick opportunists who prey on the fears and weaknesses of the general populace in times of disaster or tragedy. Where else do you place those so-called businessmen and "medical practitioners" who have so shamelessly promoted or advertised "cures" for SARS?

Surfing the Net, I was amazed at how so many websites had cropped up promising surefire relief from SARS. Given how the whole medical industry is still bending over backwards to find the true cause and cure, these websites sprouting all over the place claim they have the answer all the time. While people were dying, and fear and misunderstanding gripped the region, these shamans brazenly defied all the careful and responsible information that the World Health Organization and more responsible government sectors were disseminating.

One website recommended a cure for cancer and all victims of the SARS epidemic. You induce a person’s temperature to 40 degrees with the aid of hot towels and wraps, and stimulate the body’s natural defense mechanisms. The logic here is that as you develop fever, the immune system automatically goes on overdrive and protects the body from falling ill. Now that’s a real beauty! You’re already down with cancer or SARS and what’s the solution? Run a fever! Now how much sense does that make? Plus with claims for cancer and SARS, why stop there? Why not open Schlenz centers that will cure the common cold and headache, any and all viral infections, TB and malaria? After all, it’s so easy to just say, "Let your own immune system take over."

Another website peddled a supplement called Bioprotein-Plus. Yup, powerful anti-viral prescription drugs are powerless against SARS but we’re supposed to believe that this vitamin supplement can thwart the disease. Let’s not forget, even large doses of vitamins can be harmful. All approved medicines have a known toxic level; as prescribed, we’re kept way below those levels. Hence, the need for medicines to be first approved by a body like the Food and Drug Administration and qualified doctors to prescribe (that’s another subject in itself – how we Filipinos just love to self-prescribe).

Other websites promised SARS relief through conspicuous consumption of turnips, leeks, carrots, garlic, ginger, dead silkworms and cicada skins. Confused as to which one truly works, and ready to be duped by the literature? Maybe we should osterize all of the above into a single concoction, and all the fruit shake counters can advertise it in Regular and Grande sizes as the "Anti-SARS Slushie." Beyond brain-freeze, perhaps we better throw in an airsickness bag with every purchase.

Even here in Manila, we just had to get into the act. Virgin Coconut oil? Come on, we have to be clear about recommending what potentially could be (Emphasis on the "could be") preventive measures on one hand, and what are documented cures or therapies on the other hand. We proudly asserted that there were only a handful of SARS cases here in the Philippines (last I recall, four deaths) and out of the blue, the Department of Health was claiming virgin coconut oil as a remedy to SARS. Excuse me, but how many people were administered the "cure" for us to make that claim? Was research done on SARS infected lab rats or what? In typical Filipino fashion, the press conference which had the Government first talking about virgin coco oil, degenerated to green humor, as reporters were more interested on how one could ascertain if a coconut was "virgin" or not.

Given the draconian measures Singapore had to employ to control the disease and get off the list, let’s just all be thankful and mouth a silent prayer that we were spared any real outbreak.

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E-mail the author at: peopleasia@qinet.net