‘Help, I’m childless!’

Dear Dr. Jao,

I’m an avid fan of your column. I have a problem with my husband. What shall I do? We’ve been married since 1995 and I don’t have a baby yet. My husband wants me to have a baby now. I have already consulted an obstetrician-gynecologist and was told that there was nothing wrong with me. My husband has a love child so he must be okay also. He cannot comprehend why I cannot bear a child. – From a Davao City texter

Dear Davao texter,

Thank you for reading my column. Your distress over your being childless, especially now that your husband is asking for a baby, must be tremendous.

I suggest that you and your husband together consult an infertility clinic (or another obstetrician-gynecologist) about this problem for second opinion. Your husband must also subject himself to testing and evaluation. If all the infertility diagnostic tests have been exhausted on you and the specialist declares you with no problem, it is also important that your husband undergo a comprehensive evaluation, too. I’ve heard of infertility problems due to the male partner’s low sperm count. By consulting the infertility clinic specialist (obstetrician-gynecologist), both of you will be able to address all your questions and clarify other misperceptions.

There are times that after a childless couple have been found to be both with normal reproductive systems, they are referred to a psychiatrist to rule out psychological problems leading to infertility. Depending on the psychological problem, individual or marital therapy may be recommended.

For childless couples assessed to be really physically incapable of bearing children for anatomical or physiological reasons, they are likewise referred to psychiatrists for joint/marital therapy to help them cope with this marital crisis. Adoption issues then will be discussed with the couple. I know several childless couples who have legally adopted children of their less fortunate relatives or friends. Consequently, their marriage has further been strengthened by the presence of their adopted children. It is always better to look into the family background of the child to be adopted.

Why don’t you fax me or mail to me a more detailed letter so I can be of better help to you, dear Davao texter.

Most medical centers have infertility clinics. I’m pretty sure there are such experts who are Davao-based.

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(Do send your letters to The Philippine STAR c/o Allure Section or send them directly to Suite 506 Medico Bldg., Lourdes St. cor. San Miguel Ave., Pasig; fax no. 631-3877; 09178315586.)