Jealousy (and company), look what you’ve done to me!

You see him flirt, or just talking to another woman. Or he gives an extra warm greeting to an ex. It begins as a knot at the very core of your gut. Then this throbbing, potent energy seeps into the very core of your soul, blackening your spirit. You explode into pangs of emotions, the next more bitter than the last.

Primal rage, maddening anger, obsessive, fanatical focus and you know you can kill. Suddenly the experience has a name: Jealousy. The dark side. The twilight zone where women (men too!) lose all their right senses in passion and insecurity.

Because of jealousy, women (and men too!) have killed, and have been killed. Then you creatively think of ways and means to get back at him, bring him to his knees. You can do anything and everything–from screaming in rage, drinking yourself crazy during wild nights out or running off with another man just to spite him.

It is a power that takes over and can transform a person from a maiden into Medusa! I think you all know what I am talking about. Yes, it is present in all of us (in varying degrees) and it’s no use trying to pretend it’s not there.

In astrology, the moon represents our intuitive, gentle side. Yet what I want to talk about here is the other side of the moon that is hidden from view, where the sun’s rays don’t reach. It too has an interesting story to tell. In mythology, the dark side of the moon was called Lilith. She was said to have been the first wife-partner of Adam who refused to submit to his male authority. (God later decided to make a second prototype of woman called Eve who was more servicial). Lilith preferred banishment in a barren wasteland to a life of repression and domination. She represented the wild, adventurous and dangerously creative side of the feminine energy of woman.

Jealousy lives in this dark side of woman. It is an emotion brought about by fear that someone you love may love or prefer someone else. Or that your loved one has shared something (time, affection, attention) with another woman. It is also about not having enough self-worth in your own wholeness. It is insecurity expressed to the hilt in thinking that your safety zone or net is being taken away. Jealousy is not about what the other person is doing, but it tells a whole story about you–your sense of values, your center (which obviously is not inside you), your lack of faith in the process of changes and in your relationship, your vulnerability at being triggered to feel and react that way.

From the first physical attempt at controlling your emotions (when in a fit of jealousy, try to close your eyes and breathe very deeply for a while!), you can either retreat into yourself. You can reflect about the situation and feel all varying fluctuating emotions. You can utilize your rational side and make an effort to recognize that you are being consumed by such negative energy. You can accept that this part of you needs to be mastered as part of your growth. This will center you and give you a better perspective.

Tell yourself that it’s you he’s with, or it’s you he’s married to, etc. Don’t be ashamed to admit to your husband, lover, boyfriend how you feel and freely talk about it. Being pro-active in this situation makes you regain your power.

Co-habitating in the neighborhood of jealousy are insecurity, bitterness, pain, fear and all other negative emotions that we cannot control. Everyone has a shadow side, where the subconscious reigns supreme. Here, we have dumped that which we refuse to face–our negative thought patterns or habits; our unfounded fears and worries; our repressed anxieties and even our silent judgments and criticisms. This backroom darkroom exists both on an individual and a collective level. Today, it seems that the individual has merged into the collective, strengthening the latter. It is now widely accepted as a truth that the energy of thought creates and molds form. Looking at our world today gives us a hint of the kind of repressed hidden thought energies that abound. This is why it becomes imperative to take conscious steps to open the backdoor of the subconscious and face Lilith, the dark side, lest her destructive energies take control. Because Lilith was not allowed her full expression, she created havoc in Eden. The myth even stated that she cavorted and had sexual encounters even with the wild animals and ended up in rebellion against Adam’s machismo.

Our rages and jealousies must be looked at honestly and squarely for some kind of wholeness to be achieved. Lilith needs to be befriended. Bringing her to the light will transform our negativities to understanding and perhaps wisdom.