The hands that rock the cradle and stir the palayok pot

Way back in 1994, writer and sometime STAR columnist Jessica Zafra wrote her “Theory of World Domination”: “The theory posits that nurses and other overseas Filipino workers are the advance army in our campaign to take over the world — their industriousness, congeniality, communication skills and unfailing good cheer would make them indispensable to their host countries and put them in positions advantageous to the Filipino nation.”

Her theory relies on the sheer numbers of OFWs in all the major cities of the world, “…working in the palaces of Arabian nobility, in the households of heads of state, corporate honchos, media moguls, and movie royalty.”

“Then,” continues her theory, “at a given signal the Pinay maids all over the world stage a sit-down strike. They shall refuse to make dinner, iron clothes, wash dishes, or change diapers for their employers until their demands are met. They shall sit in their rooms watching TV while the phones ring off the hooks, the dirty washes and laundry pile up, the dirt ring spreads in the tub, and the babies bawl their lungs out. Imagine the international crisis this would precipitate!”

Twisted as Zafra’s theory may have sounded at the time she wrote it, its coming to reality may not be so farfetched. In fact, it may be happening already, and that should scare the wits out of the gweilos (Chinese for white devils.)

How the West was won

One of the many wonderful things the blockbuster movie Heneral Luna did for this nation was rekindling an interest in our history, especially our love-hate relationship with America. The Filipino insurrectos (how can one be a “rebel” in one’s own country against a foreign aggressor?) may have lost that war in 1900, but a quiet revolution, a sort of guerilla warfare, continued under the new masters’ long noses.

The subdued nation embraced the new colonial master’s language and culture, style of governance, lapped up their lifestyle, the clothes they wore, the television and movies in their minds, the songs they sang, and the food they ate.

The early migration of Filipinos for greener pastures in the “land of milk and honey” were the first deployment of the “advanced army” Zafra talked about. They suffered silently as with other colored people, exploited as farmhands and menial laborers. But the seeds were planted, and it took several generations before they got integrated and assimilated into the mainstream of foreign societies.

With more than 12 million (and counting) of our kababayans spread throughout the world, Zafra’s theory of world domination may not sound as farfetched and absurd as when she wrote it 21 years ago. Our army of OFWs has quietly but surely entrenched themselves, not just on foreign shores, but also in the very homes of the new “masters” that they serve.      

Look how many foreigners are familiar with adobo, pancit and lumpia. In this age of globalization and the diaspora of Filipinos as migrant workers, every other kid in the world has a “Filipino connection” somehow. These are the future generations of world leaders, captains of industry, and ordinary citizens having a shared Filipino memory, not just in our common palate/taste buds (panlasa), but also in the brand of English we speak (“Biter eat your kerots or the aswang will git you” [Merriam-Webster: noun ä?swä?Philippines:  witch, evil spirit,] or even simply the rubbing off of Pinoy family values, compassion and demeanor. Not to mention all the Filipino cooks in every restaurant, hotel and cruise ship the world over.

White House down

Take chef Cristeta Pasia Comerford, the first woman and the first Asian of Filipino descent to be selected as US White House executive chef. She revealed in an interview in the Adobo Chronicles: “There are so many Filipino foods that President Barack Obama likes, but on top of his list is halo-halo. Here are the top 10 Filipino foods that Obama likes: 1. Halo-Halo (assorted sweetened fruits with shaved ice); 2. Dinuguan (pork blood stew); 3. Balut (duck embryo); 4. Adidas (chicken feet); 5. Kinilaw na  kambing (ceviche-style goat meat); 6. Tocino (sweet cured pork); 7. Laing (spicy taro leaves); 8. Pinakbet (Filipino version of ratatouille); 9. Crispy pata (deep-fried pork knuckles); 10. Kare-Kare  (ox tripe and vegetables in peanut sauce).”

Chef Comerford stopped in her tracks, though, when asked how frequently the Obamas eat Pinoy food.  “That’s classified information!” she said with a wink.

From Anthony Bourdain to Cameron Diaz

During my interview with Anthony Bourdain shot in Bale Dutung in October 2008, he asked me how I would describe Filipino cuisine.      

“In a word,” I said, “it is linamnam, the yumminess, what the Japanese call umami,” a most convenient way to explain it.

He grasped it right away.  “Can you say the word again?” Bourdain requested.        

“Linamnam,” I said.        

“Strange,” he replied, “my two-year-old daughter Ariane says ‘Namnam’ whenever she’s fed something she likes.” He paused for a few seconds and concluded, “Now I get it. She has a Filipina nanny!”      

Meanwhile, on the other side of the Atlantic, Filipina Araceli “Lillie” Piccio served as nanny to Prince William and Prince Harry for 14 years. Might she somehow have rubbed some Pinoy-ness off on their highnesses?

Cameron Diaz said in an interview that she eats Filipino food from her Filipina friend: adobo, pansit and lumpia (without the American accent of “a-do-boe”).

It is not too farfetched that these three dishes might someday replace hotdogs, spaghetti, and pizza as the world’s comfort foods. And finally, the ultimate proof of Pinoys’ world domination is when the next generation of Italians will be relishing our sweet spaghetti and 3-in-1 instant kopi. Call it our sweet revenge.

Where’s the German beer?

On another front, two weeks ago Mary Ann and I attended the much-hyped Octoberfest at the Sofitel Tent, organized by the German Club of the Philippines, no less. Mary Ann’s former Pinay colleagues at Cathay Pacific, who are married to German nationals, invited us.

With such a stellar organizer, one would expect a high-caliber, authentic Bavarian orgy of unlimited German beers, sausages, roast meats, and most especially, my fave sweinhaxe or pig’s knuckles (the equivalent of our crispy pata), more so with such a high price tag at P3,850 per. My expectations were high, very high.

After close to a four-hour drive from our house in Angeles City, one could imagine the dire mood I was in — very thirsty and hungry as a wolf.  When we finally got to sit down with Mary Ann’s friends, I was somewhat disappointed to see this huge three-liter jar dispenser filled with San Miguel Pale Pilsen draft. They were strewn all over around 200 tables, and the tent hall was filled to the rafters, complete with a live band flown in from Munich, where the Octoberfest originated. I gulped down one mug of the cold pilsen, and boy, was it good! As the evening wore on, the beer jars were kept refilled, together with the ice container within the jar, which kept the beer ice-cold while it lasted. Pining for German beer was all forgotten.

 I asked three of our German hosts what they thought of our San Miguel Pale Pilsen. Ulf Seitz, from the mid-west German city of Köln (Cologne), who has been married for 29 years to Jo Tapay from Batangas, said, “You know, there’s a lot of substandard German beers. I would rate San Miguel beer seven out of 10.” Hajo Balzert from Bamberg, Bavaria, who has been married for 29 years to Grace Bañez from Cagayan, said he likes to drink San Miguel and rates it an eight.

The third, Klaus Herbst, a renewable energy consultant who’s been living in Manila since he was widowed, said San Miguel is an excellent beer.  So there, coming from three Germans’ mouths.

After all, San Miguel Pale Pilsen is a world-class German Pilsener-style beer that has a smooth and rich full flavor with a pale golden color. It was awarded the Monde Selection Gold Quality in 2013 and 2014. It was a perfect match for the German chow at the Octoberfest, if you ask me. It’s been part of our drinking tradition since 1890, made by the first brewery in Southeast Asia. What could be more Pinoy than that? Let’s drink to SMB!